be the better man
by bibi 13ca
Summary: Just a one-shot about Elena confronting Damon when she finds out he's been feeding of Andie...and like always, she keeps pushing him to 'be the better man' Damon's pov.


**N: **_I just had to toy with that 'be the better man' phrase Elena keeps pushing down Damon's throat, here's the result, enjoy!_

_PS: It's the first time I'm writing an entire story from Damon's POV so please go easy on me, ok?_

_Thank you Valerie (2serendipity) for your amazing job with this! _

I was going through the liquor stock, and yes, my favorite bourbon was finished. "Damn it!" I cursed. That was quality shit; you couldn't find something like that in Mystic Falls.

I heard the door open and the sound of her heartbeat started pounding in my ears. I could hear her uncertain steps approaching me.

"To what do I owe the pleasure?" I asked, not even bothering to turn around and face her. She would look all beautiful and flawless and I would find myself unable to take my eyes off her. That's what I called 'weakness': she was my weakness and I hated her for it…

"I thought you'd changed, Damon…" her voice was harsh and …, yeah, she sounded pissed. What did she have to be pissed about? And why the hell do I care? "…I believed in you, defended you, and here you are, back to your old self again."

The last phrase caught my attention and I slowly turned around. Just like I was expecting, she was fuming. She never looked more beautiful to me than when she was angry. She was watching me with those puppy dog eyes of hers that were capable of melting my unbeating heart. 'You're a fool, Damon; she would never look at you the way you look at her… Never, so get over yourself!'

The disappointment in her eyes made me feel guilty…and I _don't_ do guilty! I didn't even know what I did to upset her and I was already regretting it…Damn it!

This girl…_this_ girl was driving me crazy, killing me slowly…and that was saying something, for someone who was already dead. Making me feel all kinds of…what the fuck was I talking about, she was making me _feel_, that was bad enough.

She took a few steps closer. As if I needed her to be any closer… I could already smell her sweet scent. She smelled so good… 'Don't go there, Damon!' She smelled like honey…and lilac.

"Excuse me for a minute there, while I wonder what on earth you're talking about?"

"Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about, Damon! I was just at the Grill and guess who was there, wearing a very beautiful scarf…"

Once she said the word 'scarf', I realized what she was talking about.

"Let me take a guess and say Andie" I said.

"Yes, and guess what she told me when I asked her if I could try it on?"

"Hm…'go get your own?'" I said dryly, raising an eyebrow.

"Ha, ha…no, she told me she couldn't take it off ," Elena took a deep breath and I knew she was getting ready for the part where she made me feel like crap…, made me feel like I'd disappointed her.

"You're feeding on her, Damon, I know you are, and you're compelling her to forget and to wear a scarf that she probably doesn't even like…"

"Hey, not fair! She actually picked it up and _I_ paid for it."

"Damon…" I hated it when she said my name like that; there was too much emotion in it. "… That's not the point."

"Then what_ is_ the point? Please enlighten me! You want me to buy you one too?"

"No, I want you to tell me why? Why are you doing that again?"

"Why not?"

"Why not! Are you serious? She's a human being, Damon, not a chew toy."

"Aren't you forgetting something? I'm a vampire, Elena, so for me, she actually _is_ a chew toy. Animals feed on plants, humans feed on animals and vampires feed on humans. It's natural; it's the circle of life."

"Oh, come on Damon, you don't really believe that! You don't…you're better than that…be the…"

"The better man, that's what you were going to say?" I asked. I took a step closer, then another. She got me feeling bad for something that was in my nature and I was mad. I was angry with her for making me feel all that, for making me want to apologize…for Christ' sake! I did NOT apologize!

"But…you made so much progress…"

"Damn it, Elena, do you hear yourself right now? I made progress…you have to stop that; you have to _fucking_ stop that! I'm not a mentally unstable person in an institution and you're not my shrink. For God's sake, I'm not even a person!"

"Damon don…"

"Why are you doing this to me, Elena? Why do you keep pushing me?" I asked, looking into her eyes as I awaited her answer even though I knew it would never be the one I wanted to hear…the one I dreamed of hearing…

"Because I care about you."

There we go! It was the caring shit again! I was so sick of it; it made my stomach turn.

"Don't!" I said. I didn't need her pity …I didn't want her to 'care' about me…I wanted her to 'love' me…

"Why are you doing this?" I heard her ask in a weak whisper.

"Because that's what I'm supposed to do. I'm a monster with no redeeming qualities, remember? The one that everyone _loves_ to _hate_," There, I said it. It was my nature; I wouldn't fight against my nature, not anymore…not even for her. I was lying, I knew I was lying… because I would do anything for her…God, I would die for her and not even think twice about it, but then again…why…? 'Well, Damon, because she's your reason for living… you've lived a 145 years for a bitch that didn't deserve it, but at least you had a purpose. Now Elena is your purpose and if she dies…there's nothing left for you…nothing at all…'

"That's not true, Damon, you're not a monster. You can do this; you can be the better man."

"Fine, I'll bite. I'll be a good vampire, not killing or compelling anyone, I'll be the 'better man' as you call it…And what then, Elena? What will happen if I do this? Are you going to turn around and run into the sunset with me, so we can live happily ever after? Are you going to _love_ me, then? Are you going to make the pain go away, Elena…? Tell me, are you?"

I was so close to her, yelling in her face…she looked surprised and a bit…scared, but I didn't care, I had to get this off my chest, had to let it out, let it all out…

"Damon…" she began, carefully.

"Let me answer this one for you, Elena. The answer is NO. I've tried… hell, have I tried… to be good, to do the right thing, and do you know what? It didn't matter… Did anyone give a damn? No, they didn't, of course they didn't; to them, I was still a monster! As I always will be. Did I receive a medal for it? No, I didn't, not even a 'thank you' most of the time. Did you pick me? No, you didn't…I've been good, and still it's not me…it's _never_ me. At least when I'm being a dick and ruin the fun of everyone around me, I know why it's not me. At least then I know I don't deserve to be picked…I don't deserve to be loved or saved."

"But I…"

"But what, Elena, am I wrong…were you here to declare your love for me?" I paused for a few seconds, like I was really expecting an answer. I wasn't…I knew the answer very well and I didn't need to hear it again. "…don't worry, Elena, I won't hurt anyone you love. Caroline, Jeremy, the witch, not that I _can_ hurt her…they will all be safe…Oh, and Stefan, my dear baby brother…" my voice held a sarcastic tone that I didn't even notice until after my brother's name came out of my mouth. "…he's got it so easy, hasn't he? He has the girl, he has the friends. What do I have? I'll tell you what I have: I have people that _try_ to kill me but they fail, and people that _want_ to kill me but they can't...and one annoyingly stubborn little human that _cares_ about me." God, how I hated that word…'care', it was what people told you when they felt bad for you.

"See, I came into this town having decided to make my little brother's life a living hell…I still want that, but you see, I can't do it anymore. Because I can't hurt him without hurting _you_…and for some stupid reason, I can't hurt you…"

I heard the entrance door open and my brother rushing in our direction. Of course he would rush to her rescue…she was with me, and he trusted me about as much as I trusted myself around her…

"What's happening? Elena, what's wrong?" Stefan asked, slowly approaching her. Her beautiful brown eyes stayed glued to me. In her eyes was regret, confusion, understanding…she was the only one capable of understanding my fucked up mind…and of course, that's why I _loved_ her…

"Nothing's wrong, dear brother. Elena was just looking for you. Weren't you, Elena?" I told Stefan, while still looking at Elena, telling her with my eyes that I wanted her to let it go…and she did…for now anyway.

**N: **_There you go, hope this wasn't too bad, please review and let me know, I'm really curious what you think of the way I wrote Damon! _


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